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The stars above dazzling and whirling,
as we play our insignificant games
The summer nights where our memories
soon take form and create hidden names

The things we created became so near
We sought to grasp at the moonlight
Our shadows dancing along with us
Maybe we will find dreams tonight

Let's forget the past of winter's words
and find the radiant truth of summer's song
To discover hidden realms of our desire
as we get caught up in the swaying throng

This is merely the beginning of the end
Time to seek the beauty of fleeting moments
Like the shooting stars flashing before us
we surround each other in passionate descents

Pursue the spectre of blinking fireflies
As we lay down together and begin to sleep
Praying that one day our neverland will come
So summer's song will remember our love to keep
The inspiration from this poem came from my experiences with friends as of late as well as the song Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls [link] .

This writing style is a little different for me, being somewhat metaphorical as well as deeply romantic with some sensuality. I enjoyed writing this poem for it expresses lately how I feel, though I do not have someone special in my life at this time, but somehow it feels like I do.

"I don't want the world to see me,
because I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am."
-Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls
Add a Comment:
Mr-Black-Bird Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012
Very nice. Good descriptors, imagery. I do think it has impact, though I have to agree with Forgotten-Reaper when I say it isn't an original idea. Though I'd disagree from the rest of his critique and say I personally didnt find it to be rushed or jarring.
Extranzia Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much for your opinion :)

I asked Reaper specifically since a lot, if not all, his poems are set in stone and I wished to attempt a poem that was relatively set in stone, since the rest of my poems tend to vary in form. I can see where he meant what he did as well as with your input.

The idea is very wide spread but I have never attempted the topic so I thought I would give it a shot for the first time. I did focus on the imagery/descriptors a lot more than I tend to do in this poem, so glad that you considered them to be good as well as having impact.

I take it all into account and I am very appreciative, again! :)
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012  Professional Writer
I love the Goo Goo dolls and I can sing that song in the author's comment by heart. That said, this poem was exquisite; simply because it brought to light the joy of the memories we form in the company of friends. I have not had much of that warmth given my old personality and prickly nature, but somewhere in the past, I was happy and it keeps me moving through the darker days

Extranzia Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012  Student Writer
I am glad that it stirred that thought in you. Though you may have darker days, however, remember that night is only temporary and the sun will rise again. :)
WordOfChen Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Definitely ^^ and that too is something that keeps me well and truly alive ^^

Extranzia Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012  Student Writer
That's brilliant, I'm glad.
Michaelestra Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012
Wonderfully romantic. :)
Extranzia Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
autumnlit Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012
I really love how livening this is. =) Splendid job!
Extranzia Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
autumnlit Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012
You're welcome! =)
JoyfulSpirit Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Student General Artist
Hmm... very different style for you, indeed. It has a certain melancholy undertone to it. For some reason it reminds me of the fleetingness of life portrayed in Ecclesiastes.
Extranzia Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Student Writer
I was thinking that too after I wrote it!
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012
It has something verging on a poetic form.
It's no longer as they were, all rushed and jarring.
It's got some very nice imagery, although it's hardly an original idea.
This could very well be "Summer Lovin'" out of Grease, to give you an idea of how original it is.
The technique is okay if you're using it for the first time I suppose?
I'm sorry, but the poem just seemed a little hollow to me, but I guess that's just due to you lacking someone to write about. Overall, three stars or so? I just can't feel any romance or emotion behind it.
Poems like these, especially one you wrote without anyone in mind, must make the reader feel it.
To have an impact of any sort, anyway. This one lacks exactly that I'm afraid.
I suggest you try something simple in this form next time, something that doesn't require deep emotion. But it was a very nice try for your first structure poem. So well done on that score at least.
I did it in a critique form, here's your final scores:
3.5 Vision.
2 Originality.
4 Technique.
2 Impact.
Extranzia Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks so much for the input! I will definitely keep those things in mind :)
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