literature

Rainbow Series: Red

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Extranzia's avatar
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Literature Text

When the leaves cascade in forgotten fall,
it is their colour on the pale cement.
The hue on children's cheeks
as the cold nips their noses.

It is what dyes the trees,
autumn reaching--
for crystal stars.

The colour of berries
that taint one's lips,
and fading evenings of light.

When the logs are burning,
it is the colour they glow
before disappearing forever.

The scarf lost,
an ornament on the tree
and shades of a smile.

Foliage resting in morning,
apples nestled in branches,
delicate pomegranates below.

It is the colour you see
listening to the forest's whispers
eyes closed
facing sunbeams.
Written: 12/22/12
This is a Christmas gift for a close friend of mine. :)

The Rainbow Series is inspired by something I saw on tumblr where a poem/story/etc is written about a colour without using the actual colour name in the actual piece. Enraptured, I decided to try my hand at the colours of the rainbow since I absolutely adore them. I plan to post a colour a day unless my schedule says otherwise.

This is entirely experimental and based on the reaction I may attempt akin thoughts in my writings. Please let me know what you think!
Comments15
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HuntingForHappiness's avatar
Hi, I'm critiquing on behalf of :iconwriters--club:. :wave:

This poem definitely uses a lot of imagery, and that last stanza is especially evocative. I think I would have enjoyed the poem more if it didn't say 'Red' right in the title, because I'd have been forced to picture those things in my head to see the colour you're talking about. But since I knew it was red, it was hard not to just see it as a list, rather than a poem to be interpreted.

That said, the language you use is poetic, and the imagery is good despite it being slightly spoiled by the title. The actual poem is well-done, and it's a genuinely enjoyable read, with great scenery. I don't know if you were going for this, but the poem also has a kind of distinct feeling of home. The autumn leaves, children, berries, logs, fire, foliage, and just all this stuff that really brings me back to my childhood, I guess. That may not be the case for everyone, but I enjoyed that aspect a lot; another common theme that brings the verses together in a meaningful way.

Overall, you've done a good job of using imagery to evoke a very specific concept, and also managed to appeal to emotion by way of the human and natural examples you've given. Nice work!